'Nine to Five' Jobs Are So Last Century

There needs to be a jobs revolution.

Too many people look depressed on the way to work each morning, and every evening they all look exhausted. It wouldn't surprise me if some of them have to check-in the bags under their eyes as hand luggage at the airport.

The human race has come so far in recent decades. We've been through two world wars, put people on the moon, eradicated deadly diseases and connected billions of people across the internet.

But the incredibly outdated concept of 'nine to five' jobs has managed to survive for over a century.

The bigger problem is that even the hours of nine to five are now considered the bare minimum. Almost everyone I know has worked outside of office hours, and I regularly did too before quitting my corporate job.

Workaholics have become brainwashed into thinking the more hours they work, the better they are. There's almost a bragging culture of pulling all-nighters, not getting enough sleep and having too much work to do.

Do you know what the cause of all of this is? I was going to say capitalism and corporate greed for never ending growth in profits, but I don't have the energy for that.

The other major cause is smartphones, tablets and laptops - portable technology.

You’re not just taking your work home with you, it’s in your pocket rubbing up against your genitals. And speaking of genitals, 10 percent of people even check their phones during sex. You know you’ve got a problem when your favourite position is whatever’s next to your charger.

People are just working too much. I used to think that it was cool for companies like Google to offer work perks such as having a gym, unlimited food, massage chairs, hairdressers and even someone to go and pick up your dry cleaning. But these companies aren’t saying “we care about you” as much as they’re saying "you’re never going home b*tch."

At the last company I worked for, there was a day when everyone got excited that a ping pong table was being added to the office. Yeah, and I once gave my hamster a wheel because I didn’t want it to go crazy by being trapped in a cage doing the same thing all day.

These days you can buy a hammock for under your desk, inflatable napping pillows for on your desk and washable keyboards…presumably to clean off all of the intern’s tears that are dropping onto it.

So what do we do about this?

The first thing is such a cliché, but it has to be said. Try and do what you love because if you do that, it doesn’t feel like work.

But let’s cut the inspirational bullsh*t, that doesn’t always pay the bills (or at least not immediately).

At the very least, you should be demanding to work more freely as long as you’re fulfilling your responsibilities. To wear what you're most comfortable in. To work from wherever you want. To get things done during the hours you're most productive. To be yourself and not some robotic employee who pretends to love being at work and not having a life.

Some countries like France have even introduced laws that limit when employers are able to contact you after working hours - probably because everyone’s hammered on wine and cheese by 6pm (that's a ridiculous stereotype but I'm sticking to it). 

If you don’t work in France, it doesn’t matter though. It's time to either work for yourself or push for a jobs revolution of your own. Because there’s no point earning a living, if you don’t get to do the living part.


  • “You know you’ve got a problem when your favourite position is whatever’s next to your charger” Lollllllll. I’ve just sent you an email, Nik!

    Hannah Watkins
  • LOL preach man! I’m really liking these posts.

    Curtis F

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